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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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So we hop on a bus to Praia da Rocha. The wind’s in my hair, and I’m finally feeling free. We get there, and the beach is empty, just us and the sound of the waves. I’m standing there, soaking it all in, and I realize how lucky I am. Rosto-de-Cao, with all its quirks, is home.

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